On Being Happy

I learned a lot about being happy from my Grandma Luella.  Her family came to Wisconsin from Oslo, Norway and she never left.  She was widowed at a young age and raised 3 sons on her own.  She endured the unimaginable loss of her infant daughter, and later one of her sons.  She understood suffering and seemed to transform it into compassion.  She was a woman who loved to serve.  She worked with learning-disabled kids and loved each one like her own.  She didn’t drive a car.  She wore peculiar shoes with heels and walked everywhere.  She made every detail of Thanksgiving remarkable and delicious year after year. She collected elephant figurines—she preferred the ones with the trunks up. Her little home was charming, whimsical, and smelled of things baking. Her paper-thin frosted Christmas cookies were a delicacy. She lived past ninety and remained relentlessly cheerful.  She truly delighted in her life.

During her last years, I would visit her often in a nursing home where she shared a room with her beloved sister, Claire.  My job was to polish her fingernails with her favorite Revlon color and read passages from her well-worn Bible as her polish dried.  Her Bible was her respite and it was filled with cards, notes, newspaper clippings and bookmarks of her favorite passages.  She never talked about religion with me; yet I learned most everything about living with faith from her.

Claire passed away during one night and Luella woke up to an empty bed next to her.  When I went to visit to her in the months that followed, she remained cheerful and upbeat despite her deep sorrow. I wondered how she felt those last years of life, so I asked her, “Grandma, are you happy?”  Her response is etched in my soul.  She said, “Kristin, I don’t know any other way to be.  Every day I have a little something to look forward to.”

Her Bible now has a special place in my home and I treasure all the writings she placed in-between the pages.  When I feel vulnerable, I flip through it and remember her way of showing up for a day—with a little something to look forward to.

Take it with you today:

Rose Kennedy once said, “Birds sing after a storm, why shouldn’t people delight in whatever sunshine remains for them?” Delight in something today and allow your heart to sing.

Creating Space for You

Kimberly Sprecher, Photographer

We all have two worlds we move in and out of–our external and our internal worlds.  Our culture, our technology, and our work pulls us into externalizing our lives.  We make plans, we schedule things, we knock-out tasks and keep up with the buzz of our phones all day long.   I find in my own life and the lives of my clients, if we’re not intentional about putting ourselves into our calendars, we overlook living from a place of intentionality.  I hear so often, “I don’t know where the week went” or “that was 6 months ago and it feels like yesterday”.  It’s common for us to get lost in our to-do’s to the point where we lose connection with ourselves.

Staying present to our internal lives requires establishing a daily, doable practice. It requires honoring our commitment to self-awareness and deliberate, defined personal growth.  How are you doing with putting time in your calendar for you?

To show up strong in our lives, we must make time for connecting, centering, and listening to the voice within.  It’s from that place that we get to know ourselves and the patterns of our mind.  

The first step in becoming a more skillful listener is to begin the daily practice of intentionally scheduling time to listen to yourself.  Beyond watching Netflix, scrolling our phones, and consuming information there is a soul within each of us that yearns to be heard.  

Take It With You Today
The practice of carving out time, everyday, to be fully present to oneself cultivates the generous gift and ability to be fully present to another. 

Renewal & Connection

I’ve always loved the traditions of the Summer Solstice. It’s a marking of the astronomical start of Summer for the northern half of the globe. With it, comes many ritualistic traditions of respect for the earth and the renewal of the soul. It’s a symbolic time for personal reflection and connection with our internal life and our external world. Taking time to just be with ourselves, finding moments to be in and with nature, and intentionally reflecting on what truly matters to us, is the opportunity for this shift into Summer. Wishing you moments of stillness and an embodied sense of peace within, as we move into this season of the Sun.

Why I Wake Early

Hello, sun in my face.

Hello, you who make the morning

and spread it over the fields

and into the faces of the tulips

and the nodding morning glories,

and into the windows of, even, the

miserable and crotchety–

best preacher that ever was,

dear star, that just happens

to be where you are in the universe

to keep us from ever-darkness,

to ease us with warm touching,

to hold us in the great hands of light–

good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

in happiness, in kindness.

thank you, Mary Oliver!

Honoring Liminal Space

The word “liminal” comes from the Latin root, limen, which means “threshold.” The liminal space is the “crossing over” space – a space where you have left something behind, yet you are not yet fully in something else.

I’ve spent my career working with individuals in the liminal zone; that in-between space that is not fully defined.  It’s an uncomfortable place for a time; uncertain, raw, and morphing into new form.  It’s become a familiar concept in 2020 as we face the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement, and political transition.  It’s a time of questioning of what has been, what is now, and what might be, for all of us.  It’s messy, chaotic, and ripe with uncertainty.  It’s also the foundation for transformation.  

Most transitions have periods of profound grappling and discomfort.  Transformation comes from our willingness to move forward through our discomfort.  It’s been said that when one door closes, another door opens, but the hallway can be hell.  Most all of us can relate to that feeling right now.

I’ve seen in my work how liminal space can bring about a curiosity about how we’re showing up in our lives.  I’ve seen how the uncertainty creates an openness for a different approach.  It’s an opportunity to holistically listen; to others, the universe, and ourselves.  

Our individual and collective liminal space is ripe for imagining and creating a fresh alternative.  As much as it may feel like fallow time, opportunity exists for each of us to plant the seeds for something new.

                 Take it With You Today

“...if we can choose to experience this liminal space and time, this uncomfortable now, as . . . a place and state of creativity, of construction and deconstruction, choice and transformation.  I wonder whether it (might be an) invitation for us to lay down our fears and discomfort to see what else is there, hard as that may be. . .” -Richard Rohr

Well-Being in Challenging Times

Warm greetings from isolation!

I know some of you are well-equipped to shelter at home and wait this out, while others find it a struggle.  For those looking for structure, here are a few simple strategies for staying well, both physically and emotionally. Using this uncertain time creatively is essential for overall well-being.  Amidst the confusion of what the future holds, we still have the capacity to show up for ourselves, our families, and each other in ways that enhance personal and collective well-being and resilience.   We can begin by identifying those elements of our daily life that we CAN influence. When we feel out of control and uncertain, it’s a wonderful invitation to define that which remains in our charge and do those things every day.   

You can define your personal purpose

 How might you contribute, even in the smallest way, during this unprecedented time?  Identify what you can do for another and show up for that each day. Look for opportunities to serve that align with your unique gifts. It doesn’t have to be grand, each small act creates momentum toward greater good.        

You can choose your words

Some of you are home with your kids, some are caring for elderly parents, others are on the front lines of community care in hospitals. All of these circumstances can be challenging in terms of how we relate to one another.  Take a moment to consider how you want to be in your communication during this time? Take some quiet time each day to examine those relationships that trigger reactivity and decide ahead of time and on-purpose how you want to relate in those moments of red zone aggravation or frustration.  Challenging times lend themselves to autopilot reactions that bring on regret; engage your prefrontal cortex through the power of a pause, and tap into compassion for yourself and others.     

You can structure your day

Routine cultivates feelings of safety.  Calendar simple activities ahead of time.Write down the daily plan and include little things that generate a sense of achievement.  If you’re on the front line with community care or childcare, schedule your “me” time and your bedtime;  stick to it as a means of keeping your reserves strong.                                     

You can choose what you consume

How much we consume and what we consume matters both for our mind and body. Consumption includes screen time, food, and what we choose to focus our attention on.  Keeping a simple activity/food/mood journal can empower this important area of well-being and help us identify patterns.  This is time to amp up the feel-good activators in your mind and body. What do you know creates feeling your best? Keep it useful and rejuvenating.  Sure, we need to pay attention to the news; however, our most important task at present is keeping ourselves mentally & physically healthy.                        

You can move, dance & sway

Anxiety is housed in the body.  Think of it as overflowing energy that has to be released.  The best way to release this kind of energy is through burst movement--getting the heart rate elevated, even for 30-seconds, throughout your day.  Movement in times of challenge ideally is more than a good morning workout; it’s movement spaced throughout the day. Dancing is a fun way of doing this--it’s great for young and old alike. Think of it as momentary  emotional release, letting go of worry and stress. Channel that kid we see in the car next to us at a stop light, jiving to the tunes.                          

You can create a self-care ritual

Show up for yourself! How might you create self-nurture and perspective in your day?  It’s different for each of us. Identifying how to connect with your soul is a cornerstone for overall well-being and reinforcing a centered, calm  presence in times of challenge. Experiment with ways to connect with your interior life or find a resource to help you uncover your unique prescription for self-compassion and soul-nurture.  When you care for yourself, you’re at your best caring for others.

May each of us do what we can, when we can, and as we can for our collective well-being.  

                                         TAKE IT WITH YOU TODAY

This pandemic experience is a massive experiment in collective vulnerability. We can be our worst selves when we’re afraid, or our very best, bravest selves. In the context of fear and vulnerability, there is often very little in between because when we are uncertain and afraid our default is self-protection. We don’t have to be scary when we’re scared. Let’s choose awkward, brave, and kind.   ---Brene Brown

Walking Each Other Home

I've always loved this photograph of my Mom and me.  We lived in Germany at the time and we were walking back home from one our little hikes around the countryside.  I remember how she would hold my hand tightly so I wouldn't veer off the trail into the brush.  My Mother would guide me and show me the way.  I always felt a certain peace when she held my hand.

On our walks,  Mom would usually have binoculars around her neck.  She loved to birdwatch.  She would give me her binoculars, point at a small flower, and I would make the flower bigger through the lens. It felt like magic to me then.  She taught me to do that; to notice little things in nature and expand them through my lens.  I still do that today.  "Never walk so fast that you don't notice," she would say.  She gave the best advice.

I had the privilege of being with her as she passed on.  I held her hand tightly like she always did mine.  It was my turn to walk her home.  I hope she felt that certain peace I always felt with her.  

Sometimes,  I can still feel her hand in mine and it reminds me to slow down and just notice.

A Respite from Rumination

A beautiful reminder that we can take a break from overthinking and that egoic need to figure it all out:

'She Let Go’ 

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.  She let go of the judgments.  She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.  She let go of the committee of indecision within her.  She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go.  She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go.  She let go of all of the memories that held her back.  She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.  She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.    ---by Rev. Safire Rose

Take It With You Today

Sometimes we need a break from trying to figure it all out.  Have fun with this reading today and take a respite from needing to know.  There is peace in setting aside what can't be solved.

Cultivating Your Confidence

How many times has another person’s comment impacted your day, your month, or maybe even your life?

I have had more than a few clients whose attitudes about their person or their bodies were shaped by a comment someone made to them back in high school.  A competent executive reflects back on being told she would never make the school track team because she was “chunky and slow.”  She allowed the comment to erode her confidence, she didn’t tryout, and she still views herself as "chunky" and nonathletic two decades later, despite evidence to the contrary.  We can read this and think it’s crazy, but we all know the long echo of a comment that hits a sensitive place.

Confidence and sense of self comes from within. It’s a roller coaster to rely on the good opinions of others. If someone flatters you, you feel good.  If someone makes a hurtful comment, you feel bad.  Are you dependent on others to define who you are?  

Cultivating a strong place within you, a place of acceptance and compassion, requires you to identify and build on your signature strengths.  Developing that strong place within, just like lifting weights at the gym, takes training. We all need and benefit from constructive feedback, yet integrating only feedback from external sources gives your personal power to circumstance.  Creating a strong sense of who you are, no matter the externals, is a daily practice. Identify, acknowledge, and get to know your strong place well and put her in the drivers seat of your life.  

T A K E I T W I T H Y O U T O D A Y

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit."  --e.e. cummings